Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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