Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
