break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
