hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
