I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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