Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
