how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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