hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
