so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
