mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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