You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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