Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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