Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
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