I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
