the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
