Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
