Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
