how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
