I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
