If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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