she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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