If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
