Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
