Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
