Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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