It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
