He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
