Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
