I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
