Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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