and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
