Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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