He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
