He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
