you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
