She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
