I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
