After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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