tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
