TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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