Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
