The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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