Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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