Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
