I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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