I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
