Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
