I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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