I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
