that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
