Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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