How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
