I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
