Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
